December 3, 2009

When You’re Judgmental

Matthew is so clever.

I haven’t any scripture to ground this recurring realization of mine in, but there’s one truth that never ceases to expose me and, often times, the folks around me: the qualities you hate most in people (or a person in particular) are typically the imperfections you personally struggle or have struggled with the most.

We are always on the verge of hypocrisy if we haven’t already unsheathed the measuring stick to crack against our brothers’ knees. For scripture reveals:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:1-5

After about a year or two of peculiar rebellion against taking up scripture reading as an imperative activity (or as an activity at all) since being renewed in Christ, the gospels have been a great source of clarity. Best thing about reading them a second and third time is that you realized that you missed a lot the last time you read it. There are two unavoidable responses to this bit in Matthew:

Fear: The measuring stick that we put up against our brothers to follow will be used against us in our judgment (verse 1, and it’s repeated another way in Romans 2:3). This is not to say that we should not have growth-driven expectations of each other as brothers, or that we should not hold and use the holy standards of scripture to help one another and hold each other accountable. It is, however, a response to the man who in arrogant, narcissistic, pomp bitterness tears his brother apart in his mind and in action without ever properly confronting Him. This doesn’t always have to manifest itself in harsh, guilt-inducing language from one man to another (which it rarely even does).

Rather than speaking one-on-one with someone you’d lovingly and seriously like to see grow, you slip a slightly biting critique of the person’s character into a conversation with others. Or you indirectly drop comments and personality insults on your Facebook status and blog. Even worse: you use scripture in an unhelpful way. I know this sounds weird, for scripture is authoritative and always profitable for teaching. But throwing it in passing at someone who is obviously internally hurting, rather than compassionately discipling and revealing the healing guidance of God’s word is wicked. I’d say it’s like dark arts for a persons heart if you’re solely using it to slam a person.

Conviction: I am as guilty as my brother. As a matter of fact, because of the shear reality that I am inside of my own sinful mind 24/7, I should see myself as the guiltiest of all men. I’m selfish to the core, and even in my attempt to seek pure motives in the things I do, the bitter taste of legalism eggs me on to find my breath of fresh air in self-righteousness as I attempt to emulate selflessness (That may nor may not make complete sense to everyone).

For some reason, we feel entitled to being friends with perfect people.  We expect to be around people who won’t let us down when we need them, won’t miss things when we need them there, and won’t wrong us despite practically knowing exactly how our brains operate. Our fallenness has left us afflicted and needy. And unfortunately it’s more relaxing to raise our arms to point the finger than open our eyes to the reality that we all suffer from the same disease. I know our fathers weren’t all Jesus Christ, and maybe that’s why with the invitation we have to be His children, we should risk letting our pride take the fall (because it’s inevitable regardless), accept Him as our real God, and release our friends from being our functional God. The reason is because people make terrible Gods. They perish. And they’re definitely not built for it. I’m preaching to myself right now because I made the terrible mistake as a new Christian of thinking that Christian mentors are meant to be looked up to as Christ in the flesh.

There’s a song by a great band named “As Tall As Lions.” It’s a great arrangement, though it’s a song preaching atheism. The lead singer belts out, “Can’t you see it’s better to die on your feet than live down on your knees?” It’s quite a thought-provoking lyric. The only problem is that we don’t have a choice in the matter; we will always be living down on our knees. The question is “For what exactly?” Our joys and emotions will always be held captive to whatever we hold in high regard and the harsh reality is that we do try to make these things our God. A person’s wrongful action could send your heart into an unending downward spiral if you invest that much faith in them. It’s not difficult. Understand we were not made for this.

The common response to these verses in Matthew is that we almost don’t have the right to pass any type of judgment upon anyone in the church because we have our own sins. What a terrible miscommunication. This falls into complete opposition to scripture where it states:

For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?
1 Corinthians 5:12

If we completely abort any sort of discernment, there is no forward mobility for inner change in any member of the church. As a church, we ultimately just become charity-oriented people, with a full comprehension of the crying outside the door, but no concern for our fallen nature, need for accountability, and direction towards spiritual transformation. We become self-righteous, in a “tolerant” and accepting sort-of way. I know that seems weird to hear. But I see it all the time. How are they self-righteous? In communities like this, there isn’t hate or judgment towards the prostitute or the tax-collector; everyone understands that they have “their own sins” and that they have “no right to judge.” As a result, the people who receive the hate and judgment are those who attempt to reach for the heart and preach repentance.

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November 19, 2009

My Question for Driscoll: Church Media

A little over a month ago, I had the opportunity to ask Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church a couple of questions regarding the modern church, the incorporation of media, and how a media director such as myself should be interacting with my pastor when we need those things (the telephone “interview” is in the video below).

Mars Hill Church in Seattle is nothing short of a powerhouse of resources for all people seeking Jesus and His ministry. To reiterate the brief synopsis that caught my attention: they are the fastest growing church in our nation, in a city where there are more pet dogs than Christians. Somehow in my walk as a new, young Christian I stumbled upon their website a little over a year ago and through the teaching of their Ballard campus pastor, Mark Driscoll, and the aid of their resource-centered sister website, The Resurgence, I learned the foundations as well as the nitty gritty details of my faith. And I’m currently still in the process of growing. In my, once obsession, but now tamed appreciation for this Seattle ministry, four things appeal to me:

  1. The centrality of the Gospel
  2. The biblical attitude of Reformed Theology
  3. A pastor who knows that he’s presenting all of this biblical, sometimes Christian-jargony, material to ex-Atheists like me who don’t always pick up on the Evangelical “Christianese.”
  4. The incorporation of seasoned, experienced graphic design and web development work.

In regards to the infrastructure of a church media team and their interaction with a board of elders or a pastor, I never had formal direction as to how our meetings should look when we need animations, a visual identity, and themed ProPresenter slides for a new series or a special event. I certainly feel like it is very important for media directors and church creatives to read up on their bible when creating visuals for a congregation of believers. I wasn’t sure what types of calls the pastor made in the mix, but I knew for sure that we as artists need to comprehend the power of the idol of ’self-expression’ that most creative people tend to get boggled down with; the temptation to override scripture or the authoritative word of an elder to add something you think may be more ‘relevant’ may be unhelpful and potentially damaging if you’re not in scripture. I question the motives of a creator who wouldn’t fill their pastor in on everything that they are doing visually before they reveal it to an entire congregation. A media person has power over what people see, and if you think art – as abstracted as it can be – can’t be used for evil, you’re definitely misinformed.

At any rate, I asked Driscoll what typically goes on between the media team and him in Seattle. He told me he was a communications major which is, indeed, a serious plus on so many different levels. Not everyone has that luxury and he sympathizes, stating that it is indeed tougher. I’ll let the video below do the talking (I’m not white gentleman with the glasses, I’m the man on the phone).

We’re not alone, church artists. And we have a responsibility. It doesn’t hurt to seek each other out and try to grow from one another. That’s one of the primary reasons I’ve decided to change the direction of this blog here. Maybe you can take a trip to Seattle, haha. I definitely plan on going this summer for a week or two, and maybe I can get extroverted and friendly enough for someone at Ballard campus to show me around the art department and allow me to ask the millions of questions that I have. Keep in mind that art isn’t what we worship, however:

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31

I wouldn’t classify anything I write as scholarly or reputable any further than a brother’s opinion, however, if you’re an artist and the idol of ’self-expression’ idea caught your attention in this entry, just scroll down a little bit and you’ll find a (much) longer entry where I had a chance to sit down and unpack the snares and identities of it.

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November 12, 2009

Learning How To Die: Step 1

Depraved

I’m more sinful than I could ever imagine. And the worst thing about it is that I have to stick around to find out.

I thought about that yesterday in my random, displaced times of reflection and sighed. I’m not a good man by a long shot. Sometimes, it seems difficult enough viewing myself as so. There’s always a wild circus of  shenanigans in my head and when I get a chance to remember that the air I breathe was a gift from the Creator, I survey my barren heart and think: “Is it too late for me?”

“Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”
Romans 14:23

Oh, alright. Faith is a resourceful thing to have. Especially when you’re at odds and logic doesn’t give you the way out that you think you should take. It’s in the heart, right? If I believe from deep within myself that something is right, then it has to be an automatic fruit of faith; it has to be right. Right?

“All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” Mark 7:23

What? I can’t trust my heart? What am I then? Why even try to crawl if I’m only moving backwards? Am I not safe in my own skin?

“I know that no good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh”
Romans 7:18

I’m in a wavering state right now. Sometimes, the reality of God’s breath on my brittle soul is so warm and real that I can see the horror of my rebellion against him. I see myself in action, I comprehend why, and I get a glimpse of the actual offense I commit against myself, my Father, and the people whom I’m called to lead. Other days, I just don’t. That day is today. These are the days when my very skin likes to have a field day with my heart and allow me to forget about the life I yearn to live, the transformation I dream to experience, the people I desire to love, and the past I can’t wait to leave. I usually give in. Today doesn’t feel especially magical, though my firm stance at the foot of the cross despite the temptation to leave doesn’t feel like legalistic white-knuckling: it feels like I’m patiently waiting for something.

I’m waiting for God to lift me in His arms. No purity is in my flesh? Fine. All the more reason to rejoice in the God who loves me and lifted a man off of his feet to show him the framework of His creation. My life is a mess. And yeah, my ankle-joint jitters as I wait for a period of clarity and refinement in this life. So maybe I just need to kneel. I know that y’all out in interweb land have back-pains too. Let’s stand together.

One of my closest friends retorted my initial comment on my sinfulness with this: “You are more loved than you ever dared hope, and the best thing about it is that you get to stick around and find out.”

Be careful when you think to yourself and throw words around. “Broken” has become a word that evangelicals throw around a lot. Lovers of God professing “I’m broken, you’re broken, we’re all broken!” It is true. Man is fallen beyond all recognition – literally. We are, in a sense, broken. But living inside of those who comprehend and look to the Holy sacrifice of Jesus Christ have something inside of them that isn’t: The Holy Spirit. He isn’t broken. And even he breaks us. But not in the sense of failure and inadequacy. No, he breaks us in; more like a pair of fresh new tennis shoes, so that we might become stronger and more weather-resistant to the atom-piercing force known as life. Paul admitted that he had a thorn in his side; that his flesh was constantly at war with his spirit. And it’s by Christ’s sacrifice for our lives and the transforming power of the Holy Spirit that he endured and “ran the race.”

Falling to sin can’t be our destiny, and perfection will not come until our God brings it on that day. So until then, make it a war.

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Filed under Confession, Resource

October 20, 2009

Anxiety (and Everything Else) Minimized by God

I’m thoroughly reaping the benefits of the internet at the moment. There’s nothing like reading blog entries, tweets, and ebooks of strong sane people just going insane over the life that they’re living for Christ. I actually feel extremely sane from just observing that. It’s those rare moments when it dawns upon you that there are other radical Christians alive and thinking. I’m always so ashamed for being confused or having to wrestle because it’s not a thing people are very vocal about  in this micro-culture here. I’ve been thinking a lot about change and I’ve been trying my best to rearrange my life in the best manner for Christocentric living. Don’t be confused; I’m far from a self-righteous trip (at least I don’t think; The heart is a dark thing), though more and more I find traces of self-righteousness in my thought patterns. Usually when I’m confronted with my inadequacy, it’s never new inadequacy. In most cases, when I recognize sin in myself, it’s sin that has been festering, evolving, and making different strands of cultures in my heart and head for years on end. It’s surprising when you start making family trees out of your thought processes and eventually realize where things went wrong. I’ve been picking up more and more on this lately.

About a month ago it dawned upon me that it’s not normal to be hit with a tightening pain in the chest with an increased pulse, difficulty breathing, and a paranoid-state of impatience with people a couple of times in a day. I had been dealing with that for years now and I figured it was a part of life for everyone. It wasn’t even really “dealing,” because I assumed it to be the stress that accompanied a regular day. Medically, the symptoms point to anxiety. This realization wasn’t made clear to me through a specialist or anyone in particular, but rather with a friend who was on medication for the same things. For those who go to TCNJ, it was a week later that there was a special lecture at InterVarsity regarding anxiety and medical treatment which, in some areas I felt was helpful, and in other areas it actually made me ridiculously anxious and tempted to diagnose & label myself as the “Anxiety” guy. completely unnecessary. And maybe you’ll call me an absolutely prideful fool for not seeking help, but I researched, thought, prayed first and in the midst of seeking, I’ve pretty much gone this past week without a pain. Which scares the hell out of me, because it leads me to believe that there is a living, breathing God who listens and actively changes things. When I sat down and said to myself “I’m going to write in this Word Document and then copy and paste it to WordPress maybe,” I wasn’t thinking of wasting your time with a shallow testimony of the sovereignty of God. You have a bible that explains it with much more beautiful words and much more beautiful stories. There are two things that I believe assist greatly and powerfully when one is dealing with any degree of anxiety.

1. The greatest spiritual giants this world has ever seen (and probably some of your friends) deal with it.
2. It’s there because we’re totally depraved and riddled with unbelief in the provision and providence of God.
2.5 It remains because we don’t want to admit that it’s directly caused by us and that we can hand it over to the cross.

I thought about it for five seconds and decided that I am not going to write an exposition on anything. Instead, here is a link to John Piper’s sermon: “Battling The Unbelief of Anxiety.” Some might say that something like a little change in mind or a little convincing can’t possibly change a “condition.” That this idea is unrelated. Bull. Here’s one thing I realized that made a lot of sense to me. There were only specific times that I got anxiety. I’m not humble enough to expose them all but one was when I was reading the bible. Some people say “I had to die to myself to really pick up God’s word.” Okay, I was like dying as I picked up God’s word. Reading that thing every day was so utterly painful. My throat would get so dry and I wouldn’t be able to produce saliva because I was so anxious. Why? Recognizing that the feelings I felt weren’t normal caught my attention, and understanding that everything that goes on in my head is always a spiritual issue relating back to my sinfulness made me ask questions.

“Why am i so anxious? What do I hope to get out of this scripture? What do I see in reading this? Do I really just wanna get to the end of it? When is this chapter going to be over? Do I just need to feel like I accomplished reading this for the day? Who am I fooling? What is the rush? Why would I realistically want to rush this? This is the reason that I’m alive; what do I have that’s more important to focus on? This is it.”

I get the feeling most people have felt anxious or at least easily distracted by reading the bible. It is extremely easy to get distracted, which is why I read on the 4th floor of the library without my laptop. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t have to isolate myself anymore, but when you’re sensitive to the fact that you’re a selfish person, you really realize how much you try to take the best of yourself. You rob yourself, ironically, in the pursuit of yourself. Anyway, I started this chain of questions with anything that brought that tightness in my chest, and I prayed, which, has more power than the Reformed community will really give it. On iTunes, Matt Chandler from “The Village Church Podcast” has a sermon titled “The Art of Prayer” which, yes, exegetically explains that people found in Christ have the ability to pray for things and from that prayer have God lovingly act on them.

Growth in better understanding of my fears helped expose the fact that I have tons of unbelief. There were a number of times these past 2 weeks where Pastor Yunn said “are there any prayer requests” and on the tip of my tongue stood “unbelief.” It never quite made it out because I didn’t want people to think I was drowning in doubt of the gospel or something. Even if I were, what would I be so scared for? I wouldn’t be shunned or unloved or anything…I think. Regardless, that was hardly the case. The gospel has been sorta my rock in this. Rather, in the prayers said during a battle against anxiety I’d admit to myself and God that I don’t believe that he will be there for me in the future, I don’t believe that He will provide a full life for me, I don’t believe that he’s going to help me mature into manhood. There’s a lot that I don’t believe at the moment. It has nothing to do with doubt in God’s capacity to do them as much as this is just what my actions are saying about my thoughts. Admitting my unbelief has brought me and God so much tighter, which spawns a different dynamic of prayer and conversation. I fear less than I have before, and I know that when I am anxious, I’m just overwhelming myself with thoughts and worries about my performance – nothing else. We’re not complicated people, as noble as we’d like to think we are for being so. We want glory and dignity to hold onto, and some of us freak out too much if it’s caught in the balance of things. Think about it, I’ll never have an anxiety attack for you or your name. Just mine and my name.

This is not at all what I wanted to waste my time jotting down. Whatever.

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October 8, 2009

The Religion of “Tolerance”

I had a chance to read a bit in the new TCNJ publication, “Perspective.” I’m not sure what I was expecting to read, but I lent it an ear regardless because my friend was interviewed on the basis of his relationship with Jesus and how it plays into his beliefs towards homosexuals. I usually don’t care about articles like this; they are so tired. But I was lured in to assume that the article would have a mature and academic openness to understanding both the religious (specifically Christian) and non-religious/relativist/atheist perspectives on homosexuality: the “hot” topic that never seems to ever die. The statement The Perspective made that “we strive to facilitate an on-campus dialogue that is more open, more honest, and more substantive than what the status quo currently offers,” made me believe just that. This was, sadly, a misleading assessment.

My disappointment isn’t really in one side winning over the other, as much as a lack of substantial content supporting the bias Maddie and the author had against his beliefs. In the article, she allegedly engages philosophy, sociology, and “things of that nature,” but used neither one to reason her views on homosexual equality/personal convictions/things of the like with him. It was interesting jumping from reasonably connected topics of how Christians view homosexuality & purpose on earth to a sloppily developed and random transition into the fact that he didn’t believe in taking medication. It more or less seemed like an emotional, premature, unacademic scream for people to not listen to anything he said just because of his personal choice in medical treatment. Of course, him and I both know that it’s not a common one, which doesn’t make it bad. I don’t have the same belief, however whether I agree with it or not really has nothing to do with a decision to intentionally pursue a life with a God who forgives my iniquities; the fact that the magazine included that fact was irrelevant and unnecessary.

Overall, in the article there was a noticeable – and predictable – pattern.

“I’m not going to try to convince Craig that there is no God. I wouldn’t want him to try to convince me that there is a God. I can’t say that I’m right, because it’s just what I believe – and he can’t say that he’s right.”

First odd thing about this statement is that if this person feels that she’s standing on unstable ground in regards to her beliefs – when she said that “I can’t say that I’m right” – this in no way implies that he (the Christian) doesn’t have the philosophical and historical support to stand firm and assuredly say that he himself is right in his belief. That’s besides the point though; she’s just one person. There are other people who believe without a doubt that there is no God.

The general attitude is “What’s true for me is true for me and what’s true for you is true for you,” to which I reply, “What if what’s true for me says that your “truth” is a lie: is it still true?” This is where you can count on a silent arrogance to indirectly say “No, you don’t have the right to say that I’m wrong. You’re completely intolerant. So therefore, your intolerance makes your belief invalid because I cannot participate in it.” The problem I have with this “Tolerance” religion is the fact that it seems to in most cases just be an escape rope out of ever being wrong or feeling the need to intellectually explore anything. The “Tolerant” believers are only tolerant to other tolerant believers and are intolerant to those who don’t tolerate as much as they do (tongue twister, hope you can follow, hah). The problem I have with this is: how tolerant are you if you can’t tolerate the intolerant (those who don’t agree with you)? How tolerant is that? The whole point of “tolerating” something is that you don’t agree with it, but co-exist with it anyway. Otherwise, if you agreed with it, there’d be nothing to “tolerate.” You’d just agree. I “tolerate” a thief; I disagree with his morals, but I won’t murder him on sight or excommunicate him. Therefore, I “tolerate,” him.

People have seriously raped this word “tolerant” and have made it into this religion where everyone MUST agree with or be completely complacent to every way of life. Somehow this way of living is supposed to spawn an unconditional love within people. The unfortunate reality is that we are totally depraved, flawed beings who will love and hate what we want – almost always for our own prideful benefit – and this religion just rallies people against those who are willing to embrace the fact that they don’t love everyone’s decisions. If that’s the case, what separates this system from any other system that only tolerates its followers? I’m in no way arguing then that the perfect belief system is one where everyone fits in, but if this one in particular is going to parade around the illusion that it does, it’s flawed and it is a total lie.

If your reason for disagreeing with someone’s decision is because it offends an almighty creator who created a natural order that people are rebelling against, then fair enough. Those who care enough to disagree will wholeheartedly investigate. I’m surprised that the girl who was raised Catholic stated that absolute truth could definitely not be found in religious texts, especially considering the fact that The Catholic Church doesn’t believe in holding the Bible in ultimate authority; I doubt that she was asked to teach much out of it, let alone that she was self-encouraged to investigate any other religion’s texts to spew out such a broad comment. If she was raised Catholic and decided that it was all wrong and left for atheism, I don’t blame her. I’m with her. Catholic theology is terrible, inconsistent, confusing, and completely out of line with the historical contexts of the Old and New Testament in a number of arenas. For one, they believe that the more good works you do, the better chance you’ll get into heaven. Nothing is secured and you can, in fact, lose your “salvation.” Alternatively, you can be guaranteed a path to heaven by wearing a stupid bracelet. Silly. Eh, I digress.

The function of the article seemed pretty simple; a burn for the Christian on the hot-seat (what else is new) and a manufactured “+1″ for the same old flimsy relativist worldview our college loves to boast. I have no doubts that he was a good sport nonetheless. I’m disabling comments because this area isn’t my forte and I hate politics.

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