I think one of the biggest blessings of this year has got to be running into two people: Peter Pak and Brad Shensky. Now those are two people that everyone should have a little bit of in their lives! Looking back from the present, Peter has taught me how to be a responsible follower of God and how to really step back and think before just accepting the things Christians say as truth. He taught me that sometimes even the most influential Christians just have some odd theology. I was never aware of that and I would constantly buy into whatever people said about things. It’s partially my fault.
I used to be such a big leader back at home, but when I got to college I was so intimidated by all of the other leader-like Christians who I felt knew so many more things than me. They were like “Professional” believers. Yeah, I know. What a joke, right? Well I didn’t really see it then, but I feel like I let my self-esteem dumb myself down to just taking in what everyone says and not being as proactive about things. It wasn’t really a struggle with pride. I was just worried that I would lead someone in a bad direction since I hadn’t been studying the bible and such my whole life like some friends I know. Silly me to think that God works on our time scale and that he doesn’t “Use the weak to lead the strong” or even just use people in the right situation, regardless of their “Jesus Resume.” At any rate, he’s made me aware of “false prophets” and he’s also helped me become a little more analytical of the things I hear and read. I won’t accept everything as truth when I first hear it and this is a weapon I’ve longed for. Freshman year was so frustrating and confusing because I was hearing so much crap among the truth. Peter is a really organized guy and he’s one of the most consistent people I know. My world won’t fall apart if any of that changes, but it’s just his character to make sure that what people say about his God is true. I want that too.
Another thing he has really helped me with is my self-consciousness. We once had a talk in the library about sin and its affect on people. He was vaguely reminiscing about his character back when he was in college and how he “wasted so much time worrying about things” that in the end didn’t really matter that much. I do that so often. From worrying about what someone’s thinking, if someone’s mad at me, mistakes I’ve made, etc. Peter’s grown so much since then (from what I see at least) and his character is so chill/easy-going. It’s rubbed off on me. Another person whose easy going character has rubbed off on me is Brad Shensky.
I’m not sure when and where I met the dude exactly. Just to put it out there exactly how it is and how I see it: he is a man of patience and love, and in these virtues I have seen him as one of the clearest reflections of Christ I have ever known. I know. I just used some powerful words there. After that, everyone probably wants to meet this kid. Of course I should mention that he’s human. But despite that, the guy just has a pure heart after God and he lights up at the sound of his name. He’s been a real big role model for me because he has all of the Christ-like attributes that I strive to have…and it’s just a part of him. Of course I’ll never glorify a human being more than the God that I know, but I’m just so proud of my brother. I think that anyone who just glows with a yearning for God serves as a monumental encouragement to the people around them who seek the same thing.
Since New Year’s Day he’s just lent me an ear and offered a helping hand in anything that I’m dealing with, spiritually or not. We clicked pretty quickly and we’ve been doing this accountability thing that has been real healthy and strengthening. What really got me fired up for God was how affective it actually is. It’s like the real “cookie-cutter” accountability that involves communication and stuff. It actually didn’t die after the first week which is usually how my “accountability partner” things go. Aside from that, he’s just a great friend and I’m glad that I get to be used by God to help him out too. We’ve all got junk. Working together was the best idea ever. It only helps that Brad is in my band so we do music and extended fellowship together. Sweet Stuff. Those are two brothers worth mentioning.
I was driving home 1AM from a small get together with old friends when this song came into my head at a stop light.
The Anatomy of the Heart
How do I begin to explain?
Going home doesn’t feel the same
The tight clench this breeze had around my soul has found a different one to claim
The faces are familiar
They’re all stored in my brain
but my heart is still in neutral even though I’ve known these names
Scalpel, please. We’re piercing into this heart of mine
Electric lights illuminate these narrow paths
Tell the nurse to give more oxygen the deeper in I go
Fix this vena cava so this body’s blood can flow
In the driver’s seat as I think
The street lights make streaks as I blink
I won’t let these tears fall
Because I’m trying, learning how to repair this
Every valve is jammed it’s
in need of a blood type I can’t pick
Scalpel, please. We’re piercing into this heart of mine
Electric lights illuminate these narrow paths
Tell the nurse to give more oxygen the deeper in I go
Fix this vena cava so this body’s blood can flow
In my driveway as the engine’s humming low
Home sweet home I’m singing, but my heartbeat wants to go
Neurons wired from searching for a new face to show
Legs are tired from walking in shoes from two years ago
This atrium’s so empty I hear echoes when I talk
Pass me the toolbox so I can un-screw up these thoughts
