Polygrafik

December 24, 2009

Why I’m Enrolling in CCEF for Certification & Counseling

The following is an excerpt from Paul David Tripp’s War of Words

Recently I watched my sons argue with each other. This was nothing new; they are two years apart and have had many arguments. In fact, this particular argument is one they have had many times before. Yet this time it captured my attention. Their words were laden with accusation. Their tone was angry. No one stopped to listen as the volley words escalated and the volume increased. It wasn’t long before they had abandoned the issue at hand to hurl hurts from the past at each other. They both spoke out of pain, frustration and anger, impatience and jealousy. They weren’t speaking to solve problems or listening to understand. Their words were simply weapons in a war. Each of them wanted to silence the other and win …

As I listened, two thoughts gripped me. The first was that I didn’t want to have to deal with this “war” the first thing in the morning. But the second thought was more theological and more gripping. I realized that I had never taught my boys how to argue and fight. I had never taught them how to wound each other with words, I had never lectured them on the right moment to dump a record of wrongs on another person … Yet my sons fenced with confidence and skill. They had a natural talent to use words to do exactly what their angry hearts desired …

As I began to intervene, my heart was filled with sadness. I could stop the argument, but I could not change what really needed to be changed. Moreover, I was powerfully aware that what needed to be changed within them still needed to be changed within me … I spoke to my boys with tears that morning, because for once I was more gripped by the gravity of our spiritual need than by my frustration over another petty quarrel to solve.

There is something incredibly real and nearly breathtaking about this insight. The emergence of a “heart issue” mentality is what captured my heart (no pun) about Christianity and Jesus Christ in the first place. The idea that God was in the business of transforming hearts said something to me. Not only did the promise of a changed heart mean something to me, but so did the idea that I could be used to get to the meat of what pains my friends and family. The objective wasn’t to be Mr. Fix-It – you can’t be. And it wasn’t to make converts either – I alone am not capable of doing that. It was, however, to make disciples and get to the heart of our issues. I’m going to be using the word “heart” a lot.

“I spoke to my boys with tears that morning, because for once I was more gripped by the gravity of our spiritual need than by my frustration over another petty quarrel to solve … The war of words that morning went so much deeper than [learning better communication techniques or a better sense of location and timing]“

Brian Hall, the man who for whatever reason was blessed by God with the patience to put up with me and have serious 1-on-1 conversations with me until I understood this Gospel message, understood this idea above all things. It is undeniable that his knowledge in the field of Sociology served him well in trying to figure out how people operate. The issue of the heart couldn’t be ignored and it couldn’t be silenced.

I Am Messed Up
In the midst of all of the craziness going on in my house I’ve realized something deep and true: I have major issues. Issues that can’t be addressed with a slap on the wrist and a fortune cookie bible verse. Issues that probably aren’t addressed with just a really good dinner; eating a lot of food with Christians until I forget; having a lot of “fellowship” events until I forget. If the function of fellowship within the church in the midst of the darkest nights of the soul were to oversaturate damaged heart-issues with clean fun, it does about the same amount of transformation as just hitting up the bar after a day of stress.

Don’t misinterpret; fellowship has a biblical function and purpose, it just extends far beyond fun events.

You Don’t Just “Wake Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed”
I’ve seen people lash out at others with bitter attitude and explain their bitterness by saying “I woke up grumpy.” That’s honestly a load of hogwash. There is no such thing. Something happened, someone did something, you thought something yesterday or over a decade ago, and there’s a serious heart issue going on. And that doesn’t just mean “Yeah, I’m prideful.” Confessing “I’m prideful,” is an amazing first step to understanding our brokenness. Unfortunately, it is also the vaguest understanding of what’s going on in your mind and triggering your thoughts. Pride is always the beginning: thinking “I can” instead of “God can. Healing can start from understanding where that pride trickles down to in our lives. From what I read in these books and articles and what I hear in these messages and conferences, CCEF is all about figuring out how to get to the bottom of this.

I could genuinely use the guidance of leaders with this vision in my life and I could also use a heads-up on what they believe and hold true to through scripture for self-examination and help for others. I don’t see myself being a counselor behind a desk as much as I see myself wanting to be a useful help to my friends.

Fear of Hate
One of my troubles is being able to share what I’m currently going through. I think the reason I don’t like sharing is because I’m afraid that I will hate the person I’m telling for not caring. I fear that I’ll hate them for not extending a hand in their actions. My father hates the world of talk; he always talks about how his life on earth has been filled with people talking about all that they’re going to do for him, how much they’re going to care about him, and none of it manifesting itself into real action. I share in his pessimism quite a bit. It gets to a nasty level of selfishness, though I’ll also say that it never arises unaccompanied. Though this is an issue of mine, I do always end up telling someone eventually. This is where trouble arises.

I’m always told that if someone comes to you with an issue, you don’t have to scramble for an answer. I believe in that. I’ve been the victim of terrible advice. What’s bad about terrible advice is that if you don’t realize that it’s terrible, you may actually follow it and end up in a world of hurt after. Anyway, the idea behind “just” listening to someone is that listening in itself is an act of love. I think, in the life of a Christian, it’s more than that though.

Yes! please don’t rush premature advice. Maybe it’s not your role to give advice at all. But people wear their pain like battle scars – especially from childhood – and the scars will continue to resurface in different little ways as long as we live in this world of sin. It may be in a feisty attitude here and there, meta-social anxiety from sensitivity to rejection, a distrust of authority from being wronged by a parent, anything. The leaders at CCEF seem committed to getting to the bottom of where this pain is coming from. But they do it in the best way: they use the eyeglasses of Christ to get there and His atoning sacrifice as the foundation for healing. There is no one method to loving someone. There are so many different issues that people have. But one thing that Brian communicated to me in his actions – he never verbally said it to me – was “It is so important that you learn, grow, and repent. This world is not going to be given to you on a silver platter. You’re going to have to be a leader. However, in this battle, in your struggle to run the race, I will fight with you to get to the bottom of this.”

This made Christ’s power to transform people feel so real to me. I don’t know where it has been recently, but I hope to find something like it where I’m going.

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Filed under Contemplative

December 23, 2009

A Native Gmail App for iPhone

I’m a geek. I tinker with and develop things on your LCD. After waiting and eventually getting tired of waiting, I figured out a neat little way to get a “native” Gmail app on your iPhone.

The Problem:
What’s the problem? If you want Gmail, you can enter all of your SMTP/IMAP information into the Mail Application on your iPhone. But what do you miss out on by doing that? Everything that makes Gmail the most superior email client there ever was (seriously). For one, you lose the threading of emails into one email “conversation.” What does it look like when you’ve replied back and forth with some friends in an email? An organized conversation on Gmail. But an absolute mess on your iPhone app.

Why don’t you just navigate to Gmail on your iPhone’s Safari browser?

Ew. Why?

Yes, you get all of the advantages of Gmail. If you save the website as a favorite on your Home Screen, you even get a nifty – yet somewhat aesthetically unsatisfying – icon with your other apps. However, what happens when you tap it? It opens through your Safari browser; if you’ve opened it before, the phone could forget and open another tab in safari with the same Gmail website, leaving you with 10 Gmail tabs on your Safari at the end of the…hour; You lose about 40% of your screen real estate with the address bar and the bottom options bar.

Plus, it just feels ghetto.

Now why does using Gmail on Safari trump the Mail app?

HTML 5!

The UI is interactively brilliant. And best of all, it operates like a real native app because HTML5 allows it to store information (up to 10MB) locally on your iPhone storage for offline usage. Suppose you were reading an email that contained an address for a party. You’re on your way to the party and need the address, but your AT&T 3G connection sucks (as it typically does). You can view that email again in an automatic offline mode.

The Solution:
A Gmail app that’s really the web Gmail app, minus the loss of screen room with Safari UI junk and the unending sea of new tabs. Using my brain for about 5 seconds and little-to-no elbow grease in Dreamweaver got this to happen beautifully. A tutorial for this solution is below:

Let’s Begin!

Here is my home screen with my Gmail shortcut. I favor this logo rendering to the default. Maybe that's just me.

Let’s do this people. Here’s the app icon on my home screen. If you’re wondering what the heck is up with my home screen, I have a custom sense UI running on my iPhone. I’m a big fan of Android and especially of what HTC has done with the UI on the HTC Hero/Eris. That’s actually not the main screen. Like Android, there is a home screen with a vintage clock, weather, and a gray pullout to this shelf of apps.

The Boot Screen

Do you like?

When you boot the app, you will even be welcomed by this neat boot screen as the site loads in the background. I’m a big fan of the Gotham typeface lately, so it naturally became the weapon of choice.

Step 1:

Feel free to check out satchelldrakes.com!

Point your browser to “http://www.satchelldrakes.com/gmail”. Pay very close attention to the next steps before doing this. They must be executed with tact!

Step 2:

Your skills must be like that of a rogue for this part.

Okay, here is the part that you need to do quickly. This app is nothing more than a portal to the Gmail website. In the HTML file that ports you there from my website, I have offset the loading time by approximately 4 seconds so that you can execute this next step. Once you hit “Go” for the website I’ve provided, quickly tap the “+” icon on the bottom bar of your Safari app. Next, hit the “Add to Home Screen” button and save it to your Home Screen.

Step 3:

If you see this screen, you have succeeded!

This is an image of success. Once it’s saved, boot up the app to your new, functionally native, full-screened Gmail app!

The new app icon should load correctly, though if you didn’t choose to save it quick enough, you may have to try again. I got it on the first try.

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Filed under Geekery

December 14, 2009

Litres of Love

You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.

Psalm 4:7

The taste of this verse should be likened to crystal waters in the dismal, gaping chasm of desert surrounding you. I felt the need to say that despite how kitschy-Reformed-blogger-John-Piper-mini-me it sounds, because this is what it really feels like. I am on a deep, dim road of understanding just how loved and saved from darkness I am with nothing but a candle before my feet to see the next step.

Until my day of completion, I may never completely understand the depth of love lavished upon me nor the caliber of salvation given to me through the litres that Christ shed from Calvary to the Cross for me. From gazing at The Road to Calvary by Herri Met de Bles for a half-hour only thinking to myself “that was a long walk,” to completely forgetting the joy that was made available for me as I wade in a bout of depression. Nothing can quite take me from the reality that this taste – the taste of the Lord as my celebratory feast and raised glass of aromatic wine – is nothing like anything that I have ever experienced in this world even at the mountaintop of pleasures that are willingly offered. The prize is elsewhere.

Some Christians may not see it like this. Not everyone is the same (which is beautiful, believe me). During my freshman year of college, it manifested itself a lot differently. I hadn’t wholeheartedly read the bible yet, so it was hard to articulate my thoughts or feelings towards God. In a valley of discouragement, I decided that I would “reject” God and go back to my life without Him. It was oddly the most awkward week of my life. I couldn’t leave him alone, and not in a weird, stockholm syndrome type of way. Rather, even when I rebelled, after every action I thought:

“I’m doing this because you abandoned me. I’m doing this because Your way is not worth it. This is me forgetting about you…You gone yet?”

God never really left my side. He was always in my thoughts even when I wanted to believe that I hated him. Even in my hate, I couldn’t actually ‘leave’ him per se because I wanted him to know how I felt. I think I wanted him to care. I know that I’m not the only one who has had an episode like this in his past. So to anyone out there who has shared these thoughts: If you don’t believe in the power and work of God and you don’t want him as a part of your life, why are thoughts towards him still in your head? Why do you want him to care?

For me, I wanted him to care, but I didn’t want him to move furniture around in my life. To our benefit, God is in the business of rearranging everything, even our fears.

There’s a hymn that I think a decent amount of more traditional churches sing, called “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus,” written by Helen Lemmel. Don’t quote me on this: I haven’t been in church that long and definitely don’t study church history for a living. At any rate, the climax of the piece (for myself) goes like this:

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace.”

How does Psalm 4:7 – a reminder of the seemingly inescapable taste of this freedom – encourage us to change, repent of our old ways, and grow in our relationship with God? When we turn our eyes to Jesus and recognize the genuine joy in our hearts brought from his love and atoning sacrifice, it outshines everything else.

A lot of Christian men struggle with pornography and have been trying to stop for years. They want to take up a wife and be able to look at her without attaching or cycling through images of other women. They want her to be the one and only. They have tried white-knuckling restraint and have fell. Terribly. Possibly even deeper than they had started. Lemmel’s hymn brings a real truth to fore. Sexual pleasure will always be pleasurable. Physical interaction will always be stimulating. And praise God for the gift that he has given us in that! A man should never wish that God would take such a blessing away. How foolish. However, if this man comprehends the wonder, power, and immense capacity of grace God has for him and had upon him one Friday afternoon two-thousand years ago, it will outshine any chemical rush of dopamine outside of the context of a Holy matrimony.

December 3, 2009

When You’re Judgmental

I haven’t any scripture to ground this recurring realization of mine in, but there’s one truth that never ceases to expose me and, often times, the folks around me: the qualities you hate most in people (or a person in particular) are typically the imperfections you personally struggle or have struggled with the most.

We are always on the verge of hypocrisy if we haven’t already unsheathed the measuring stick to crack against our brothers’ knees. For scripture reveals:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:1-5

After about a year or two of peculiar rebellion against taking up scripture reading as an imperative activity (or as an activity at all) since being renewed in Christ, the gospels have been a great source of clarity. Best thing about reading them a second and third time is that you realized that you missed a lot the last time you read it. There are two unavoidable responses to this bit in Matthew:

Fear: The measuring stick that we put up against our brothers to follow will be used against us in our judgment (verse 1, and it’s repeated another way in Romans 2:3). This is not to say that we should not have growth-driven expectations of each other as brothers, or that we should not hold and use the holy standards of scripture to help one another and hold each other accountable. It is, however, a response to the man who in arrogant, narcissistic, pomp bitterness tears his brother apart in his mind and in action without ever properly confronting Him. This doesn’t always have to manifest itself in harsh, guilt-inducing language from one man to another (which it rarely even does).

Rather than speaking one-on-one with someone you’d lovingly and seriously like to see grow, you slip a slightly biting critique of the person’s character into a conversation with others. Or you indirectly drop comments and personality insults on your Facebook status and blog. Even worse: you use scripture in an unhelpful way. I know this sounds weird, for scripture is authoritative and always profitable for teaching. But throwing it in passing at someone who is obviously internally hurting, rather than compassionately discipling and revealing the healing guidance of God’s word is wicked. I’d say it’s like dark arts for a persons heart if you’re solely using it to slam a person.

Conviction: I am as guilty as my brother. As a matter of fact, because of the shear reality that I am inside of my own sinful mind 24/7, I should see myself as the guiltiest of all men. I’m selfish to the core, and even in my attempt to seek pure motives in the things I do, the bitter taste of legalism eggs me on to find my breath of fresh air in self-righteousness as I attempt to emulate selflessness (That may nor may not make complete sense to everyone).

For some reason, we feel entitled to being friends with perfect people. We expect to be around people who won’t let us down when we need them, won’t miss things when we need them there, and won’t wrong us despite practically knowing exactly how our brains operate. Our fallenness has left us afflicted and needy. And unfortunately it’s more relaxing to raise our arms to point the finger than open our eyes to the reality that we all suffer from the same disease. I know our fathers weren’t all Jesus Christ, and maybe that’s why with the invitation we have to be His children, we should risk letting our pride take the fall (because it’s inevitable regardless), accept Him as our real God, and release our friends from being our functional God. The reason is because people make terrible Gods. They perish. And they’re definitely not built for it. I’m preaching to myself right now because I made the terrible mistake as a new Christian of thinking that Christian mentors are meant to be looked up to as Christ in the flesh.

There’s a song by a great band named “As Tall As Lions.” It’s a great arrangement, though it’s a song preaching atheism. The lead singer belts out, “Can’t you see it’s better to die on your feet than live down on your knees?” It’s quite a thought-provoking lyric. The only problem is that we don’t have a choice in the matter; we will always be living down on our knees. The question is “For what exactly?” Our joys and emotions will always be held captive to whatever we hold in high regard and the harsh reality is that we do try to make these things our God. A person’s wrongful action could send your heart into an unending downward spiral if you invest that much faith in them. It’s not difficult. Understand we were not made for this.

The common response to these verses in Matthew is that we almost don’t have the right to pass any type of judgment upon anyone in the church because we have our own sins. What a terrible miscommunication. This falls into complete opposition to scripture where it states:

For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?
1 Corinthians 5:12

If we completely abort any sort of discernment, there is no forward mobility for inner change in any member of the church. As a church, we ultimately just become charity-oriented people, with a full comprehension of the crying outside the door, but no concern for our fallen nature, need for accountability, and direction towards spiritual transformation. We become self-righteous, in a “tolerant” and accepting sort-of way. I know that seems weird to hear. But I see it all the time. How are they self-righteous? In communities like this, there isn’t hate or judgment towards the prostitute or the tax-collector; everyone understands that they have “their own sins” and that they have “no right to judge.” As a result, the people who receive the hate and judgment are those who attempt to reach for the heart and preach repentance.

November 19, 2009

My Question for Driscoll: Church Media

A little over a month ago, I had the opportunity to ask Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church a couple of questions regarding the modern church, the incorporation of media, and how a media director such as myself should be interacting with my pastor when we need those things (the telephone “interview” is in the video below).

Mars Hill Church in Seattle is nothing short of a powerhouse of resources for all people seeking Jesus and His ministry. To reiterate the brief synopsis that caught my attention: they are the fastest growing church in our nation, in a city where there are more pet dogs than Christians. Somehow in my walk as a new, young Christian I stumbled upon their website a little over a year ago and through the teaching of their Ballard campus pastor, Mark Driscoll, and the aid of their resource-centered sister website, The Resurgence, I learned the foundations as well as the nitty gritty details of my faith. And I’m currently still in the process of growing. In my, once obsession, but now tamed appreciation for this Seattle ministry, four things appeal to me:

The centrality of the Gospel
The biblical attitude of Reformed Theology
A pastor who knows that he’s presenting all of this biblical, sometimes Christian-jargony, material to ex-Atheists like me who don’t always pick up on the Evangelical “Christianese.”
The incorporation of seasoned, experienced graphic design and web development work.

In regards to the infrastructure of a church media team and their interaction with a board of elders or a pastor, I never had formal direction as to how our meetings should look when we need animations, a visual identity, and themed ProPresenter slides for a new series or a special event. I certainly feel like it is very important for media directors and church creatives to read up on their bible when creating visuals for a congregation of believers. I wasn’t sure what types of calls the pastor made in the mix, but I knew for sure that we as artists need to comprehend the power of the idol of ‘self-expression’ that most creative people tend to get boggled down with; the temptation to override scripture or the authoritative word of an elder to add something you think may be more ‘relevant’ may be unhelpful and potentially damaging if you’re not in scripture. I question the motives of a creator who wouldn’t fill their pastor in on everything that they are doing visually before they reveal it to an entire congregation. A media person has power over what people see, and if you think art – as abstracted as it can be – can’t be used for evil, you’re definitely misinformed.

At any rate, I asked Driscoll what typically goes on between the media team and him in Seattle. He told me he was a communications major which is, indeed, a serious plus on so many different levels. Not everyone has that luxury and he sympathizes, stating that it is indeed tougher. I’ll let the video below do the talking (I’m not white gentleman with the glasses, I’m the man on the phone).

We’re not alone, church artists. And we have a responsibility. It doesn’t hurt to seek each other out and try to grow from one another. That’s one of the primary reasons I’ve decided to change the direction of this blog here. Maybe you can take a trip to Seattle, haha. I definitely plan on going this summer for a week or two, and maybe I can get extroverted and friendly enough for someone at Ballard campus to show me around the art department and allow me to ask the millions of questions that I have. Keep in mind that art isn’t what we worship, however:

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31

I wouldn’t classify anything I write as scholarly or reputable any further than a brother’s opinion, however, if you’re an artist and the idol of ‘self-expression’ idea caught your attention in this entry, just scroll down a little bit and you’ll find a (much) longer entry where I had a chance to sit down and unpack the snares and identities of it.

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Filed under Church, Design